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Anxiety

I have always been an introvert. It has never been easy for me to put myself out there. To meet new people. To speak up. To have attention on me. (I don't even like when every sings "Happy Birthday" and that is family!)

In the years since my first marriage and having my son things have gotten worse. I have full out anxiety. I don't have anxiety attacks per se (I save those for times I don't know where my son is!) but my IBS will flare up, my stomach will hurt, and I'll have to run for the restroom (TMI I know sorry). I think it started with my first marriage due to all of the mean things he would say to me. I already was introverted and unsure of myself and he just played off of that to control me. He'd tell me how unworthy I was (as a wife, mom, and human being) over and over again. He'd tell me how no one else would want me (funny I met hubby who wanted me and is a GREAT guy just months after finally kicking him to the curb and I was the one who stuck by our son and he never came around again!).

Even though I know he was just an abuser. Even though I know I am a good person. When I get into a situation where I have to put myself out there. Situations where I have never been the most comfortable I "hear" him still.

Take for example tonight. I am supposed to go to dinner with a bunch of moms from T-man's school. Of the dozen or so I do know 2. The others I have never met. Just thinking about it makes my stomach hurt. I know in my mind it will be fine. That I will even have a good time. But yet my anxiety level keeps escalating. I keep worrying what they will think.

Deep breath. It will all be ok. Right?

The Suite Life!

Since my dad has retired his morning routine is to login to his computer and enter contests - LOTS of contests. And he wins! LOTS! He's won countless Tigers tickets, a Zune, a Labatts refridgerator/can (or bottle) dispenser among other things. The guy is lucky! (I keep telling him I'm going to give him money to buy my Mega Millions ticket LOL)

Last Tuesday, when T-man and I were at his house to go to the zoo with my parents he received four tickets to yesterday's Tiger game in the mail. For a Party Suite! He doesn't even know what contest they were for he enters so many...

Since their best friends were out of town he asked the hubby and I to go. I was so excited since I have been wanting to go to the new ballpark for years now and while my guys have I have not. Not to mention that I have never been in a suite for anything (ok a hotel suite and a dorm suite - while those were both fun I thought this might be a little bit different of an experience).

We almost didn't get to go. It took me FOUR days to find a sitter for T-man. But I have a great friend who I just recently reconnected with through Facebook who took him. (Of course, right after that I got three more offers! Isn't that just the way it goes? I have no sitter for the longest time and then all of a sudden I have FOUR!)

A suite is the way to go though! I think I'm definitely spoiled now. In fact I asked hubby to purchase one but I don't think that flew too well for some reason (cheapskate). We were the first one to the suite so we had our pick of the seats outside (not that any of them were bad...). The food was all ready to go so we could get something to eat. Oh my gosh was there food - ribs, chicken, mostocolli, garlic bread, shrimp, potato skins (really yummy), coleslaw, salad, popcorn, pretzels, chips, brownies, 3 different kinds of cookies, and I'm sure I'm forgetting something. Then around the 5th inning they put out hotdogs! (Because it wouldn't be a ball game with a hot dog!) We ate so much!!! And it didn't cost us anything because my dad had won the tickets. The only thing we paid for was parking!

The BEST perk of a suite though is this: NO WAITING IN LINE FOR THE BATHROOM!!!! Okay so once I had to wait a MINUTE for someone to come out of it but we all no that the wait for the public ladies rooms would have been MUCH longer!

I am definitely a suite convert. Now I just need to find a way to get into them more often...

Addiction

I have an addiction that I keep secret from a lot of people. I'm just not sure that a lot of the academics I work with would understand...

I am SERIOUSLY addicted to reality television!

I love it all: Big Brother, Survivor, Amazing Race, The Bachelor.

There's even some that I watch On Demand and don't tell my husband I watch. Not because he can't know but because I know he'd tease me. I love The Girls Next Door (there's just something about all these YOUNG, beautiful girls who are willing to not only sleep with but SHARE some old wrinkly geezer who never even bothers to get out of his jammies!), The Kardashians (they are so full of themselves and materialistic! Do people actually live and think like this?), and I even like Denise Richards show (again - is she for real????)

In the past couple weeks we redid our cable packge and now have Showtime. I can't tell you how many times I've been sucked into watching Big Brother After Dark!!! And it is on from midnight til 3 AM!!!! The worst part is it is awful too. Yet there I sit watching it. Totally enthralled by others pathetic lives.

Maybe watching people make a$$e$ of themselves on television makes me feel more normal. Less crazy. More intelligent.

Whatever the reason. Reality television sucks me in. Time and time again.

Parents, Students Protest School Fashion Police - ParentDish

Parents, Students Protest School Fashion Police - ParentDish

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So what do you think? Too harsh? Acceptable? Do you think there should be dress codes? Should they be stronger than they are in most places?

I'll post my thoughts tomorrow.

Wordless Wednesday

The national mall before the 4th of July fireworks.

Babysitter Woes

As much as I love being a mom sometimes it would be nice not to be tied down. Now before anyone slam me I love my son to death but sometimes would just like my old unencumbered life back. I know - it is coming. He's nine. Before I know it he won't "need" me anymore. I really do love spending my time with him...

It's just my dad won tickets to the ball game on Saturday. Party suite tickets I might add! I would love love love to go (he invited hubby and I to go with Mom and him). However, I don't have anyone to watch the boy. My brother is going out of town. Hubby called a girl who used to be his secretary who has stayed with him a few times - she's out of town also. Hubby's family lives out of state so they are out. All my friends have kids the same age so no teenagers there. I have one last shot - my aunt. She does daycare (not on Saturdays though) and has kept him a couple other times. Plus I have a cousin just a couple years older than him that he just idolizes. I'll call her in the morning. Until then I'm just crossing my fingers she can and will do it.

Blog Hop - Getting to Know You

Ms. Modern will begin hosting a new meme: All About YOU!
It’s meant to encourage interaction between bloggers.
I have a lot of lurkers on my site, but I’d like to get to know each of you better!

Each Monday, I’ll start an All About You post, asking you some questions. Put YOUR answers in MY comments, then post the same questions on YOUR site for YOUR lurkers to comment!

Week #1 Questions for YOU:


1.How did you find my site?


2.How long have you been reading?


3.What do you like about my blog?


4.Tell me some things I could do to get you to stick around & continue reading my blog!


5.What’s the link to your blog? or twitter account?


6.What’s the main theme of it?


7.Leave the link to one of YOUR posts that you’d like others to read in order to get a sense of things that are important to you OR as an example of your style and theme of writing.

Drama - Think Before You Post

Oh how I get tired of drama! Maybe it's because I teach middle school - which as we all remember is nothing BUT drama.

Well, it seems like drama is hitting my extended family again! If you read a couple posts previous about hockey dictating things you might remember that I was raised Methodist. Well almost all of my mom's side of the family that lives in the area attends church together. It is a quite small congregation. Basically made up greatly of my family and another family. Of course, there are others but honestly without these two families there wouldn't be much of a church.

Anyway, I guess lately there has been quite a bit of "discussion" over some of my family members' and a couple other girls' behavior. Their are about 5 of them all together. One of them has a job where she is able to get access to a suite for most of the major concerts that come to town and the group of them often attends - especially when it is a country act. No biggie right? Well kind of.

It seems they like to knock back a few when they go out. Again, no biggie, right? Again kind of. When they do this, or have their get togethers with their jell-o / pudding shots (I had never even heard of pudding shots!) they like to take pictures. They then post those said pictures on Facebook and such for the world and the church elders (who they have as friends) to see.

Then when people say things they get all upset.

Of course, they have a right to a good time. Of course, as long as they do so responsibly they can drink. But when you post pictures on a social networking site that is the impression that you are giving people of yourself. You are giving them the right to discuss it, print them, judge you by them, etc.

I don't understand why these GROWN woman (32-50 something) do not get that. Have your fun just don't post it for the whole world to see if you don't want them to judge you by it or to say something. Don't act surprised when someone then says the aren't sure you should be a church leader or in charge of Christian education of the church youth!

Yes I drink socially on occasion. Yes I am a teacher. Yes I think it is perfectly fine for me to do so. However, I will not post pictures of me drinking or allow others to do so. It just wouldn't be appropriate. That isn't the image that I want to portray of myself. That is not the impression that I want to give - especially to those who might not know me the best. Why would I give them preconceived notions of me?

Before you post something to the internet think! What does this tell someone about me? Is that how I want others to view me?

Top Grossing Movies are Romantic Flicks

So last night we were watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaie. T-man got to stay up to watch it with us since it is still summer. One of the questions was about the top grossing movie a few weeks ago. Then, of course, there were four choices. I don't remember what they all were but one was Star Trek. T says, "It's got to be Star Trek. There wouldn't have been any romance in that."

"What do you mean?" I asked him. Then it dawned on me! He thought grossing meant romance movies because he thinks romance is gross!

So I asked him, "What do you think grossing means?"

Sure enough that was what he was thinking! Silly boy! Although he was trying to use the context skills and his prior knowledge the best he could to figure out a word he didn't know.

Hockey Dictates

We are back to life via hockey. It dictates what we do and when. We ended up having to miss church yesterday because hockey practice was scheduled during mass. Of course, if the coach or the stupid woman who desperately wanted to be manager (but in the two weeks the team has existed has already screwed up TWICE!) had let us know before 8 o'clock Saturday night we could have gone to mass at 4:30 on Saturday! It really ticks me off to learn things last second and because of that my son misses church (along with his dad and I).

We have lived here for a little over four years. At Easter we finally tried a church that we like and have been attending since. Last weekend we actually joined the parish. So having to miss makes me sad.

Finding a church that works is a big thing for us since my husband and I were raised in different religions. He was raised Catholic and I was raised Methodist. When we were first married we attended the church I was raised in. Hubby was great and would go. Never complained. However, there was no way he was going to become Methodist and you could tell he wasn't totally comfortable there. Likewise when I went a few times to the church that he was a member of I wasn't totally comfortable either.

We were at a standstill in a marriage with two religions. Mind you they were both Christian but still different enough that for a time we just stopped attending church since we couldn't find one where we were both comfortable.

However, I missed going to church and I knew that I wanted my son to grow up learning the scripture and attending a service of some sort. The best solution to this was for our family to have one religion. So once again I agreed to give Catholicism a try. After all, it wasn't that different and I have plenty of friends/family members whose husbands refuse to attend with them at all. If mine was more than willing to attend if I gave it a try then I was ahead.

However, I have realized that I do fit in there (or could see myself fitting in since I don't technically since I'm not Catholic) much to my mother's dismay. I told Mike to go ahead and register our family. I have even started to think about taking confirmation/convertion classes. Again though I have to know when hockey is to know if that is possible this year.

Hopefully soon we will start meeting people and getting more involved. That is if the second "religion" in our household - otherwise known as hockey - permits it...

Sad Realization

I realized today while perusing Facebook that I've come to the point in my life where most of my friends have been married for 10 years or so (give or take a few either way). Now what I'm noticing is happening that lot of them are getting divorced. You know that point in your life, about your mid 20s or so, when it seems like you are constantly going to someone's wedding? Well now I feel like I am constantly hearing about someone who is in the process of a divorce! It is really quite sad :( So much unhappiness. So many children about my son's age who now are going to be from a broken home. Who are going to have to feel torn loyalties. I know divorce happens (heck I have one under my belt too) but it is just so sad how MANY I am hearing about recently. I guess the mid 30s is the season of divorce...

His Eyes

His Eyes

When I look in his eyes I see
unconditional love,
support,
a smile,
the beauty he sees within me.

When I look in his eyes I see
a great father,
our future grandchildren,
funtimes yet to be,
the pillar of our family.

When I look in his eyes I see
the man I am going to grow old with,
laugh with,
cry with,
dream with.

When I look in his eyes I see
my best friend.

Sleepless Nights

Ugh! It's happening again. Midway through August I start to get insomnia and can't sleep till 2 or 3 in the morning. This happens every year! Of course, right after Labor Day I'm back to my regularly scheduled life - otherwise known as teaching. I'll have to get up at 5:45 AM! and be out the door at 6:50! How am I ever going to get back to that? As much as I love summer vacation it sure does do a number on my sleep life! I have a feeling I'm going to be one tired teacher the first few weeks of school...

Woman Pregnant With 12 Babies - Will Any Survive? - ParentDish

Woman Pregnant With 12 Babies - Will Any Survive? - ParentDish

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The doctors who implant this many embryos should have their licenses revoked! To put a mother and father through this heartache of losing their children who they obviously desperately want is wrong in so many ways. Although I do feel that the parents are at fault also. They need to say "don't put 12 embryos in me". I understand after they took they would feel that they couldn't abort some. How do you choose which get to live and which have to die? This situation should have never been created to begin with! What a terribly sad situation all around. We've had 8 with octo mom and 6 with Gosselins. Now 12! What is next???

7 Years of Bliss

So we just recently celebrate our 7th wedding annversary. In honor of that I thought I would blog 7 things tha I love about my husband. Obviously, there are many more than 7 but I'm going to list 7 of them. (I can do 8 more next year LOL).

1) His smile and laugh. When he smiles at me or laughs at something I've said I get little flips in my stomach. Even after all this time.

2) How he's such a hardworker. The best part is I know he works so hard out of love for us. He does it all to provide for us.

3) How he say the same dorky things over and over again. Yes at times it gets a little old but then when I think about it it is also comforting. I like that we know each other so well that I know what he's going to say in certain situations.

4) He's a great father. He's tough but he's tough because he cares so much. Even though he can be tough he's also caring. He's free with the hugs and kisses and he's always there with well deserved "atta boy". Not to mention gladly gives up his time to coach hockey/baseball.

5) He does all the yard work. Sounds silly but lawnmowers and I have always battled. Hubby knows this and without complaint does all the yardwork - even though I'm home all day in the summers.

6) When I have a monsterous stack of writings to grade he takes over and does more than his fair share of the housework - without a word or a complaint!

7) He'll call me from work just to see how things are going. I love it. It tells me that he's thinking of me.

Bingo: Business

Mom Blogs at MomDot » Blog Archive » Blogger Bingo (13th ball is up): "Lots of people want to own a business….what kind of business would you own if you could have any business in the world. And if you own one already, tell us about it!"

Oh I have several ideas for this one! There are three types of businesses that I would love to own. All of them tie to my passions (hobbies).

1.) a book store - I have always LOVED books and reading. I would be in heaven to be surrounded by books all day. Not to mention that I would get to talk to people all day long about books! Currently I teach English and that is my favorite part of the job!

2.) a scrapbook store - I love scrapbooking. Just like the bookstore idea, if I owned a scrapbook store I would be surrounded by the pretty supplies that I love so much and able to talk scrapbooking with people all day!

3.) a photography business - This one kind of goes with #2. You can't scrapbook without photos (well you can but it isn't as much fun!). I love to go out with my camera and just snap away! It is very relaxing for me. It is so thrilling when you get that great shot.

Photo Hunt: Artificial

There's a photo hunt here: http://tnchick.com/ Today's theme is artificial.

This is a picture of one of the "dinosaurs" that was visiting at our zoo. Obviously, an artificial dinosaur. LOL

Showering = Deodorant Buy?

T finally gets around to taking a much needed shower this morning. Afterwards he packs his bag to spend the night with grandparents tonight (hurrah date night!!)

As he brings it downstairs I make him open it so I can inspect what he has packed (church clothes, sleepwear, underwear, clothes for the birthday party after church, his retainer etc.) Of course, he has forgotten underwear, a toothbrush, his retainer (which I doubt very much he will wear but I can at least know that I tried), and his deodorant.

He is promptly sent upstairs to retrieve these items. A moment later he comes down with everything but the deodorant. I, once again, tell him to go upstairs and get his deodorant.

He promptly begins arguing with me that he JUST got out of the shower and he DID just wash his armpits! He doesn't need his deodorant! That is for days that you don't take a shower.

Where did this child get that idea? Does he seriously think that deodorant is some type of shower alternative? He's an active boy for goodness sake! He plays hockey!!! He stinks often!

This argument continued after he reluctantly retrieved the deodorant. Since it was discovered under the dresser I was fairly certain that he had not used it today and requested that before putting it in the suitcase he use it.

"But Mom! I told you I just washed my armpits!!"

"I don't care you still have to use it."

"But..." further argument ensued until Dad called up the stairs -"Quit arguing with your mother and use the deodorant!"

No further argument. Deodorant used and quietly placed in suitcase. (Why do they always stop arguing when Dad speaks up?)

Raising a boy sure is interesting (and stinky!).

Scornography -- I Do Not Want to Hold Your Baby - Lemondrop.com

Scornography -- I Do Not Want to Hold Your Baby - Lemondrop.com

This made me laugh and I just thought I would share it :)

101 Things That Make Me Happy!

1. my husband
2. my son
3. taking pictures
4. giraffes
5. scrapbooking
6. traveling
7. being by the water
8. a good book
9. chocolate
10. reality tv - Amazing Race, Survivor, Big Brother, The Bachelor among others
11. writing
12. a new Ben Stiller movie
13. a good Pinot Grigio
14. chicken fajita burritos from Chipotle - YUM!
15. What to Wear on Facebook
16. Facebooking with friends I haven't seen in awhile as well as those I see often
17. golfing with the hubby
18. when a new scrapbooking magazine comes in the mail
19. watching T-man play hockey
20. compliments on pictures I've taken
21. when you see a student "get it"
22. the rare occasions I can go out to lunch with co-workers
23. when hubby takes my hand
24. when hubby says "I love you"
25. a good meal that incorporates peppers and onions
26. sun warmed tomatoes fresh from the garden
27. babies
28. Saturdays
29. summertime
30. being able to stay in bed and read in the morning
31. a new song on my iPod
32. playing Scrabble
33. going for walks
34. walking along the river at the park
35. grilling - especially steak
36. chicken kabobs with lots of peppers and onions
37. a hot fudge milkshake
38. getting the newest James Patterson book
39. when a new Janet Evanovich (Stephanie Plum) book comes out
40. winning
41. when my lilac bush blooms
42. getting my hair done - including colored/highlighted to remove the gray
43. when parents thank me for all that I do for their child
44. watching T-man play baseball
45. when T-man comes up to me and puts his head on my shoulder for just a moment before going off to play again
46. when T-man comes up and kisses my cheek
47. when hubby snuggles me
48. when hubby sends me articles that he thinks I might find interesting
49. watching Army Wives
50. anything Beauty and the Beast
51. listening to hubby sing in the car
52. hockey tournament weekends
53. trips to the cottage
54. seeing deer - in the park or out in a field
55. my kitty cats
56. being treated like a queen ;-P
57. blogging
58. watching All My Children
59. when hubby cooks dinner!
60. spontaneous kisses
61. finding a new author to read
62. Cecelia Ahern novels
63. a good memoir
64. wearing sandals
65. better - going barefoot
66. somebody else putting away the laundry
67. sand between my toes
68. listening to T-man laugh
69. T-man's sense of humor
70. compliments
71. buying presents for those I love
72. earl grey iced tea with lemon
73. my Cricut
74. Twizzlers
75. steak for dinner
76. when the scale goes DOWN
77. jewelry
78. a new purse
79. tote bags! I LOVE tote bags!!
80. hubby's smile - he has such a great one
81. when hubby calls me "babe" - I never thought I would be one to like it but from him I do! He doesn't mean it derogitorially but with love
82. hanging out with family
83. Christmas vacation
84. time to myself
85. chick flicks!
86. cheesy 80s movies
87. trips to the apple orchard
88. visits with friends
89. homemade salsa with tomatoe fresh from the garden
90. my gardens in full bloom
91. watching the Red Wings with hubby and son
92. riding ATVs
93. Hungry Howie's Pizza with pineapple and banana peppers
94. finding pretty paper to scrapbook with
95. completing a scrapbook page that turns out especially well
96. getting followers on my blog - LOL
97. figuring something technological out - something to do with blogging, momdot, twitter, etc.
98. getting a good score in Farkle
99. going on a date with hubby
100. sitting on the patio with a good book and a glass of wine in the summertime
101. that I was actually able to make it to 101 LOL :-D

Powertripping People Preturb Me

So this other mom on the hockey team stepped up before anyone else even knew their kid was on the team and decided that she was going to be the team manager. Ok fine. Nevermind that a couple of us actually have experience as team managers. Nevermind that a couple of us have kids who have played out of this rink for years and know how things work here. Nevermind that couple of us actually know how Evaline who runs everything works and how to get what you need/want out of her. And that is an art form - TRUST me!

Seriously though, fine. She wants to be manager let her. It's a lot of work.

However, being manager should not be a power trip. When we all give our email addresses so that we can communicate with each other - INCLUDING the coach - then you need to send the email to us so that we can access all of those! Don't send it as a blind copy so no one else can see the emails. If we want to email the whole team we should be able to. If we need to email Coach we should be able too. You were also supposed t send us Coach's phone number. We should have that.

Why was she so upset when Coach said that someone else would be helping her with some of the fundraising stuff? Is she not as busy and as overwhelmed as the rest of us?

Aye, aye, aye! This season should be fun.

BINGO: B5 Describe Your Dream Home

I don't necessarily want a huge mansion. Lately, I'm realling like the Spanish look. You know a house with a terracota colored tile roof. Adobe looking. Not some boring asphalt shingled home that I see everyday all over the place in the Midwest. I would love to find one along the Gulf coast of Florida. Where I could sit outside and watch the boats go buy as I sip my evening drink and read a book. I love being by the water! It is so calming. My husband and I talk about retiring to Florida (in about 20-25 years!). However, we disagree as to where. He says central Florida (think Lakeland) and I want to be along the coast. We shall see. As I said - retirement is a L O N G way off!

Oh and I want palm trees and fruit trees in my yard! I woud LOVE to be able to walk outside and pick fresh lemons :)

L20 - Twin?

No one really says that I look like a celebrity or anything. However, growing up my cousin and I looked a lot alike. She is a year and half younger but we were similar in height and both wore our hair long (like to our butts) and bangless. We both look a lot like our dads who are brothers so we looked a lot alike. In fact, once she was over and we were running from my backyard towards the neighbors house. Their little girl was out and was running towards my house. When she saw us she stopped and just kind of shook her head. She thought she was seeing double! LOL too funny.

Moms Who Drink: No Joking After the Schuler Tragedy

Moms Who Drink: No Joking After the Schuler Tragedy

I don't understand how a woman could have 10 drinks worth a vodka and still drive? Not just because she and those she was with should know that she wasn't capable of driving but because if I had 10 drinks worth of vodka I would be comatose! How does a mother think it is okay to drink like that around her children either? I'm no prude. My son has seen me have a drink. But that is just it a drink. Singular. One. He has not seen me fall down sloppy drunk. That would not be appropriate. I choose not to surround my son with alcohol abuse. In my opinion that is the responsible thing to do as a parent.

As for her husband claiming tha he has never seen her drunk - BULLSHIT! How does your wife drink like that without passing out and you have no knowledge that she is abusing alcohol? It can't happen! You CHOSE to turn a blind eye to it. To ignore it. You DIDN'T WANT to face that your wife had a drinking problem so you just pretended all was fine and dandy. Well isn't that just great! Because you didn't call her on her issue your children are dead. Your neices are dead. And three innocent other people are dead. Can you still ignore her problem?

How about the fact that she smoked dope? Were you unaware of that too? Somehow I don't buy that one either. No one smelled it on her? Or were they smoking it too? Was where ever she was just full of responsible people who were looking out for these precious children? Protecting them? Making sure that they would stay alive?

When you decide to become a parent you have a responsibility to protect those children against everything - including yourself! You have to put your stupid immature ways aside and put their best interests first. That means you can no longer smoke dope and drive (or smoke dope at all for that matter!). You can no longer drink and drive. And before your child gets in a car you need to know that the driver (including yourself) is sober enough to drive.

Here I Go Again...

As if I need another hobby. I already am years behind in my scrapbooking, have piles of books I intend to read, and don't get on the treadmill nearly as often as I should. So why then am I revisiting this blog and trying the blogging thing yet again? Because I love to write. I am after all an English teacher who is always saying that I'm going to make more time to write. This is as good of a start as any the way I see it. Not to mention it could be a great release from my "real" life. I am actually really excited and determined to keep this blog up. Too bad the hockey rink hasn't gone wireless. Just think of the blogging I could get done while waiting during practices or before and after games!